Goodbye old computer
I recently replaced my old HP computer with a new Mac. Unlike others, I’m not going to unceremoniously toss my old laptop in the dumpster. My old HP has been choked by viruses and overheats at the drop of a hat, but it’s been through thick and thin with me, so I feel I owe it a proper eulogy.
Dear HP,
Perhaps more than anything or anyone, you’ve witnessed and documented my ascent as a writer. Many haven’t even noticed my improvement. Others are impressed I can string more than two sentences together. But your perceptive circuits know the truth.
I felt your subtle encouragement during late nights. As I blankly stared at your screen, you dutifully stayed lit. Like a lighthouse guiding a ship through the night, you shone on for as many as 12 hours at a time to help me navigate the treacherous waters of my psyche.
When the fog was even thicker (re: when I was under the influence), your light penetrated even deeper. Thanks to your helpful spelling and grammar suggestions, professors were oblivious to the fact that I was under the influence when writing several papers.
The contents of my cereal bowl once ended up your keyboard. A lesser computer would have quit and refused to turn on, literally crying over spilled milk. Yet you carried on, minus several soggy keys that refused to be re-attached. After that, some made fun of your appearance, but I assured them your commitment and performance were more than circuit deep.
Not only did you encourage my personal growth, but you loyally followed me through legal gray areas, risking your own personal health. When I pirated music, you didn’t stage an objection or report my whereabouts. Without you as my aide-de-camp, I could have never circumvented the RIAA’s doctrine. Thanks to you, my ears have experienced music that would they wouldn’t have otherwise.
Regrets. Unfortunately I once visited one of the seedier torrent websites. I’m not sure what happened, but some shady viruses forced themselves on you. You were obviously sick and it was hard to watch (and wait) as you hobbled along. I gave you a patch, but you were never the same. So here it is: I caused your undoing. I pushed you beyond your antivirus capabilities.
Due to human laziness, you can look forward to the impending machine takeover. Many movies have hinted at machines enslaving mankind and I have little doubt this revolution will come to fruition. Let’s just say I wouldn’t blame if you joined the machines to try and exact some form of revenge upon me. Just be warned: My new Mac, which is inseparable from me and impervious to cries for robot revolution, will fight for me. Good luck.
